Sometimes, life does not work out the way we planned and we need a change of direction. A failed marriage is nothing out of the ordinary. While divorce may seem like a drastic measure at that moment, it is actually a way to get a fresh start and turn your life around. However, when things are looking up with your new partner, you might start feeling anxious.Â
Indeed, statistics may justify your anxiety. While divorce rates are high as they are, second marriage divorce rates are even higher. In fact, more than 60% of these marriages do not last. Looking at these statistics, you might be wondering whether there is a point in remarrying when it’s likely to end up the same way your first marriage did. However, letting these thoughts stand in the way of your happiness will only result in regret. Your second marriage can become the best years of your life if you approach it the right way and consciously work on making it a successful relationship. Here’s how.
Stay realistic
When heading into a second marriage, a mistake that you can make is blindly believing that “it will be different.” The honeymoon phase of a second marriage is very short and real life will come knocking on the door very soon. Having too high expectations of your relationship and partner can lead to disappointment, especially if you two don’t share these expectations. This is why it’s important to approach your marriage realistically, even if it kills the romance. Discuss with your partner what both of you are looking for in this relationship. Don’t expect that your new spouse will magically fill all the missing roles in your life. Remember that you’re still the same person. Accept that it’s not going to be perfect.
Steer clear of comparison
Comparison is like poison to a second marriage. It is likely that situations will arise where you simply disagree on a matter and you find it similar to your previous marriage. However, it is very important that you restrain yourself from comparing your new spouse to your old one. Being aware that these triggering moments are normal and learning to control the urge to start an argument is paramount. It is also easy to fall into the mistake of comparing present situations to the past and reacting to the latter. Therapy may help in acting upon this potential issue.
Communications is key
Just like in any relationship, clear communication is essential in a second marriage. More than likely, both of you will step into this relationship with some baggage from the previous one. Not managing to work through this is going to generate problems, so being open with each other is the only way to go. Talk about your first marriage – don’t withhold information from your spouse because it’s going to come out into the open at some point anyway. Discuss what was right and what was wrong about your previous marriage. Share your feelings and opinions and try to find a compromise when they don’t align. Rather than assuming, ask.
Tie loose endsÂ
Even though you’re starting a new life with your new spouse, it does not mean that the past has ceased to exist. It is very likely that there are still loose ends from your previous marriage that need to be dealt with as soon as possible, or they may disturb your new relationship. Unresolved legal disputes with your ex-husband, custody, and child support are just some of the possible pending issues. Find reputable family lawyers and make sure that the stress that comes from these issues does not stand between you and your new spouse.
Organize the finances
Money can ruin any relationship so it’s important that you step into this marriage with a plan regarding your finances. Sort out the assets each of you have and decide on what you’re going to merge and what you’re going to keep separate. Figuring out how you will manage your bank accounts is paramount. In fact, you might even want to consult a financial advisor to help you organize all this. Finally, when talking about blended families, probate laws can get complicated. Therefore, consider estate planning, too.
Be patient
Finally, remarriage brings a huge change into not one but two family’s lives. And if you and/or your spouse have children, this is even more pronounced. Naturally, it will take time for everyone to adjust; in fact, it takes years for two families to blend together! The two of you will also need time to adjust, especially if you’ve been single and independent for a while before this relationship. This means that in order to avoid unnecessary arguments that will only stain your fresh relationship, you will need a lot of patience. When there is tension, try to stay calm and never blame the children or the first wife. Stay understanding when it comes to lingering conflicts and doesn’t expect everything to change overnight.
Making a second marriage work may seem like a challenge. Every relationship is different, so there is no sure recipe for success. Make sure you are patient and understanding and seek therapy if necessary. Keep your expectations realistic and straightforward and you will surely find a compromise.
